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This is your Captain Speaking...


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#1
Auto-Fox

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Here's a little game I found in one of the other forums I'm on.

Posted Image

Basically, it takes place in a gigantic world-ship with trillions of decks and googleplexes of crew and passengers.
All posts come in the form of making announcements to the various decks over the PA.
Just make it as absurd as you like.
The posts don't have to be related. You could make a post say "attention deck [x], please stop doing [y], deck [z] is very disturbed."
Or something to that affect.
Basically, each deck of the ship is like its own world, and there are trillions of them. The scale of the ship is something akin to the Red Dwarf, only much, much, MUCH bigger.
I shall start us off.

This is your Captain speaking. Will the vampiric near-humans of deck 489987 please stop harassing the other decks. 489988 is running out of virgins.
Also, deck 489988, we understand a passenger named Van Helsing is in possession of firearms without a permit. Please turn him over at once.

#2
iLLViLLAiN

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This is your Captain speaking. Can those in sector G-21 please refrain from downloading anime torrents? You're disrupting the Call of Duty servers.


Like that?

#3
andersam

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(LOL I already think this is gonna be fun)


"This is your captian speaking, would the ruffians who thought it was a good Idea to spraypaint "the cake is a lie" all over sector D-34 please report to deck 4300AD, they need help removing there wallpaper. Also, Would Those in deck 45 please stop playing the Kiss tapes, Deck 55 is trying to work. thank you."

#4
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((^^ You've got it!))

Attention deck 48378. Your rocketry program is punching holes in the floor of 48379, cease and desist.

#5
SmashQueen

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This is your captain speaking. Will the person who crashed a G-36 Turbo into deck 489987 please report to the Security station on deck 458954. Either come quietly or they will find you. They know you're 24 decks below that Security station because of the trail of sparkles and burnt pages of the Twilight saga.
...
In other news, deck 32512 is hosting the annual 'Burp-off Contest'. People of all ages are allowed to enter. Please see the receptionist there for details.
Also it has come to our attention that there are too many captains. We'll be playing bingo later to decide the chain of command. Join us if you like.

(XD Couldn't resist that last one.)

#6
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((^^ Not bad.))

Attention deck 483486774. Your "People's Paradise" has so far militarily annexed three other decks. We feel it is our duty to inform you that you are making the Empire of Deck 483486773 VERY nervous.
C'mon, people, we REALLY hate having to fix trenches gouged into the floor...
Also, it has come to our attention that the jeffries tubes have become home to a pre-sentient species evolved from a discarded ham sandwich. C'mon, people, keep better track of your eats. You should have learned this from the mold-people we had to deal with LAST millennium...

#7
viperxmns

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"This your captain speaking. Attention deck 3334598756789857467839847433.. oh f--- it."

#8
Dreamer#96

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    Oh, and NiGHTS.
"Attention Deck 6875847568, It would appear that the recent carnival on the deck has lead to a cotton candy overflow in Deck 6875847567. Would all passengers in Deck 6875847567 please stay in their cabins until the pink elephants arrive to clean up the cotton candy. That is all."

#9
DiGi Valentine

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"This is your Captain speaking. Can everybody stop hailing ViperXmns' ship please ...you're running up a staggering phone bill and i'm not paying for it."

#10
Noctourne Wonderland

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This is you captain speaking. Would deck 1289463 please stop the Voodoo rituals? In other news, there has been an outbreak of deaths on deck 1289464. The crew claims that the murderers have been seen eating their victims.

...

Would all passengers on deck 1289462 please report to the on-board mall? Thank you.

#11
infractus

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This is your captain speaking.. would Deck 42 be so willing as to share the answer to life, the universe and everything with the crew?

#12
Nemoide

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This is your Captain speaking with a reminder to those travelling between sections 18 and 20. There is no section 19 and there never was. If you should find it, DO NOT enter it.

#13
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"Attention all Decks. There is to be no more streaking whatsoever. The infirmary is full of blind people blaming somebody named Krew, who will be apprehended as soon as possible. Thank you."

#14
Noctourne Wonderland

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This is your captain speaking.. would Deck 42 be so willing as to share the answer to life, the universe and everything with the crew?

This is Deck 42 speaking. We suggest asking the Transylvanian conventioneers on deck 75.

#15
Mr.Me

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This is your captain speaking. We will have to cancel deck 46276365's annual firework show due to a lack of crew members who know how to use them. That is all.

#16
infractus

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This is your captain speaking. Has anyone seen a paisley chesterfield sofa scampering about on any of the decks? It was last seen on deck 67221....

#17
Dreamer#96

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    Oh, and NiGHTS.
"Attention Pie Makers, this is your captain speaking. All pies baking on Deck 314 have finished baking. Will all Pie Makers please report to Deck 314 before the pies burn. If even one pie burns, a chain reaction will occur that will burn all the pies. That is all."

#18
DiGi Valentine

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"... .. .. .... .. . . ... ... .. .


.... . ..

.. . . . .. . . .. . . .


.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . .. . . oh sh!t!! I didn't turn off the com-"

#19
viperxmns

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"This is your captain speaking.. ha, just kidding, we are The Borg. Prepare to be assimilated."

#20
andersam

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This is your captain speaking. Paging Ghostbusters to deck 678902. Ghostbusters to deck 678902, And bring extra underwear. That is all

#21
Dreamer#96

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    Oh, and NiGHTS.
"Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking. Deck 99 is sinking underwater. Scientists are still baffled on how this is happening. We are currently sending a rescue team down to the deck. That is all."

#22
viperxmns

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"Attention all decks, this is your captain speaking, I repeat, attention all decks. I am currently experiencing some rather vivid hallucinations, please note this may interrupt lunch. All decks be on the lookout for sudden impact. Toodles!"

#23
iLLViLLAiN

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"Attention all decks. I'd like to advise all personal to please hold on to something for the next few hours. The Gargantuon Basketball Play-Offs have just started and they couldn't find their ball so I volunteered that the ship could be used until they find it again. That is all."

#24
Noctourne Wonderland

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This is you captain speaking, will-

You're not the captain! I'm sorry, this is your-

I am the captain! WHo are you? Get out of-

Ow!

Ah!

No hair pulling!

That's my foot!

This is your...ow!...captain...(get out of here!)...speaking! TURN OFF THE SPEAKER!

*Krrrrzztzzztzzt*

#25
SmashQueen

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(Brilliance you guys.)

"Attention all decks, this be th' fearsome gentleman o' fortune, Captain Flat-Tuna, speakin'. I hereby call this moon 'Grog Moon'! *hiccup* Ye swabbies better be--"

"Get away from my com you slimy curr!"

"Ye bilge rat! I thought I tookst care o' ye."

"You stole my pet bunny!"

"So I did, an' I dasn't regret it. That rabbit be very tasty-"

"What did you say?! Hell hath no fury you-"

Screeeeeeech.

#26
Nemoide

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Attention, this is your new captain with a message to all decks. It has come to my attention that the string of recent announcements have been far too silly. As such, I will be commandeering this vessel so that we may have civil, sensible announcements. My wife, for instance has always been fond of the Down Home Crocheti-*URGHHH* (stabbed in the back)

#27
iLLViLLAiN

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"Attention to all who still have their ears after our last encounter with deranged Twilight fangirls. I've been forced to sell the entire south quarter in order to pay for my car insurance. Sure there are no roads in space but you know how car insurance companies are."

#28
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Attention deck 48327. Your declaration of independence has been accepted. We will jettison your deck in 5, 4, 3, 2...

#29
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"This is your captain speaking. As of now, sugar is illegal. Any and all sugary products are contraband and will therefore be held on a pre-determined deck for safe keeping. This has nothing to do with me losing at Bingo or the recent bonfire of candy on Deck 235812053114425."

#30
Noctourne Wonderland

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This is your captain speaking. Will deck 19335469348670 1/2 please stop drawing pictures of deck 39798675? They don't seem to appreciate it.

#31
viperxmns

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"This is your captain speaking. This is a message for Pirate Deck, Viking Deck and Zombie Deck. The janitorial staff is tired of cleaning up after you, we would advise you learn from Ninja Deck and Mob Deck and hide your mess. That will be all."

#32
Noctourne Wonderland

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This is your captain speaking. Will deck 3207584 please control your goblins? It was fine when they were just writing music, but now they're eating her, then they're going to eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

#33
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Attention deck 48722. We understand Sean Connery has been trying to stop the shipments of happy-drugs we've been sending to you to make your work oh so pleasant and productive. Please try to stop him.
Polydichloric Euthimal is GOOD for you...

#34
infractus

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This is your captain speaking.... to anyone listening -- send more crawfish stew. It was delicious.

#35
andersam

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Mmm that crawfish is good... This is your captain speaking: as a fundraiser for deck 12345's new pool they have asked us to play crazy frog music in between these announcements until they raise enough money. GET TO DONATING. That is all.


DI-DING DING DING DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#36
SmashQueen

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"This-is-your-captain-speaking-I-have-SPIIIIIDEY-SEENNSES! I see you! I see you ALL! Mwahahahaha! No this has absolutely nothing to do with the 15 sodas, Crazy Frog music, or people shouting Bingo-Bingo-Bingo! Ha hah! Catch me if you can suckers! Ah-hah-hah-ha-ha! I am the Flash! Ah-ha ha...!"

ScreeeeEEE

"Ahem. Please disregard that noti-SIR! Put your pants back on!"

"Never! Ha ha! Wheeee.... I'mma vampire......."

"Ahem! ...I have a whole deck stocked with goodies and junk food. CATCH HIM and the deck is all yours. That is all."

#37
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Attention all decks.
Video killed the Radio Star. Public trial at 6:30.
That is all.

#38
viperxmns

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"Attention all decks, this is your captain speaking. The NiGHTS Community Deck has issued a sexy party to be held on the southern portside Holofield at the midnight hour. Due to the nature of these parties, perimeter containment fields will be active. That is all."

#39
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Attention all decks.
I would like to assure everyone that we CAN, in fact, dance.
If we want to.

#40
iLLViLLAiN

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"This is your captain speaking. This is a message for those in sector 4D5EA. If you are vomiting, seeing wavy images, or feeling any sort of discomfort it may be because we are testing out our new vector based graphics upgrade in sector 4D5EB."




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