13 replies to this topic

[Musashi_HUmar]

OK, because fanfiction.net has that crappy 2 day waiting period, I'm putting the author's note and the first chapter of my new fanfic here first. After I can post on fanfiction, I'll be putting links instead. Criticism is ok, but keep it constructive and civil, please.

Author's note:

Hi there! Thanks for choosing my fanfic, "Return to Nightopia" for your reading purposes! This is a story about Claris and Elliot returning to Nightopia four years after the

events of NiGHTS into Dreams, only to find everything in shambles. Wizeman has returned and nightmaren are over running the place! It's up to Claris and Elliot to fight

their way through what was their dreams to rescue NiGHTS and defeat Wizeman once again!

This is the first fanfic I've written in years. The last one I did wasn't all that good and it actually got ridiculed by a "friend" on youtube. I didn't want to write again ever.

However, I had some inspiration for a story that could actually go somewhere and be decent. I came up with this idea while basically just sitting around my room late at

night. I don't care if this has been done before. I'm going to do this my way. Hopefully you enjoy it and we all have a good time! Have fun!


Chapter 1



"Geez, I haven't had nightmares like that in years...", Elliot thought to himself as he was sitting up, panting in his bed. It was about 3 AM, Twin Seeds Standard Time. A moment later, his cell phone rang on his night stand. Elliot picked up quickly, so he wouldn't disturb anyone. "Hello?", he softly said into the phone. "Hey Elliot.", uttered a soothing familiar voice. "Hey Claris, what are you doing up at this time of night?", asked Elliot. "Nightmare...", Claris uttered in a sad, scared voice. "You too?", Elliot responded in a slightly shocked tone. "Yeah. It was horrible.", Claris whimpered with a bit of a sob in her voice. "What happened?", asked Elliot in a concerned tone.


"I saw that place where my dad used to take me as a kid. Only this time it was different. Way different. The trees were all fallen over and burnt to a crisp. All the plant life had gone away and the ground was barren rock. The river was completely dried up and the mountains had crumbled. Then, the sky was all cloudy and dark. There wasn't a nightopian to be seen. Instead, nightmaren were roaming around. The water from the river was all dried up. When I looked over to the mountains, they had all crumbled and fallen over. Then when I looked up, the sky was completely cloudy and dark. There was both thunder and lightning. To make things worse, that horrible nightmaren dragon Gillwing was flying around up there screaming. It started to rain. It was so cold and miserable. Then, Gillwing came to attack me. I woke up before he hit.", said Claris.


"Oh wow...", said Elliot in disbelief. "I had a dream a lot like that!", he continued. "You're kidding me...", responded Claris. "I really did. It was at that park my mom used to take me to when I was young, before we moved to Twin Seeds. The water was all thick and black. Also like in your dream, the plant life had all shriveled up and died. The ground was also barren rock.", said Elliot.


"No way...", interjected Claris. "Anyway...", Elliot continued. "The clock that was there had stopped. There were no more numbers because those had been plants too. All the fences and gates that were there had fallen into shambles and laid crumbled all around me. I walked around and saw that there were also nightmaren wandering the garden too. The sky in my dream was cloudy and dark too. And then I heard it. That traumatizing all too familiar bounce. I turned around instantly. Sure enough, there was Puffy. She laughed maniacally at me and nearly landed on me, when I all of a sudden awoke. A few seconds later, I got your call.", said Elliot.


"Incredible...", said Claris quietly. Elliot sat up and said, "I've actually been having this same dream for the past week now. Its really tiring me." "Ugh, me too.", responded Claris, who then yawned a little. "I don't understand why four years later, dreams like these are coming to us again.", muttered Elliot. "I know. I thought we had beaten Wizeman.", Claris responded. Elliot yawned a little, took a drink of water that was on his night stand, and said, "Maybe he's come back." "Yeah...", said Claris in a soft, scared tone. There was silence for a few seconds.


Then, Elliot said, "Wizeman was born of human hatred and anger. As long as that exists, he'll never be truly gone." "Maybe NiGHTS can help us once again.", Claris put in. Elliot shook his head and responded, "I don't think he can. If things have gotten this bad, something has happened to him." "Yeah, maybe... But if something has happened to NiGHTS, what will happen to the rest of Nightopia?", asked Claris.


"I don't know. I really don't want to either.", responded Elliot. "But don't you care about NiGHTS and Nightopia?", Claris whimpered. "Of course I do. I just don't want to think about what will happen if things go too far, that's all.", retorted Elliot. "Well something has to be done.", said Claris. "I agree. But what?", asked Elliot. "Well, we beat Wizeman once before. We can do it again, I bet.", said Claris. "Yeah, but last time, we had NiGHTS to help us. We're not so lucky this time.", Elliot put in. "Well we can't just sit around doing nothing.", responded Claris. Elliot yawned and said, "I know that, but I'm just saying, if we do do something, we're on our own."


"Yeah, I know...", said Claris sadly. Elliot looked over at his clock, which now read 4:15 AM, Twin Seeds Standard Time and said, "It's getting late. I think we should finish this tomorrow morning at school." Claris yawned and said, "Yeah... OK I guess." Elliot shifted around and said, "G'night Claris." "Sweet dreams, Elliot.", Claris said in a slightly sarcastic voice. Elliot hung up and put the phone back on his night stand. He laid back down and fell asleep, only to have the same nightmare once again.


END CHAPTER 1

[TORiAS_the_fallen]

Not bad at all, Musashi. What's you ff.net user name. I'm Key to Soul, but I haven't had the time to post my NiGHTS fic yet.

I like your character interaction. Elliot and Claris are very convincing.

[Musashi_HUmar]

Mine is MusashiXHUmar. I think I'm pretty decent with my dialogues. When I do them, I try to go for a pretty realistic feeling, but with just a smidge of melodrama just to make it a little more interesting. See at this point in the story, Elliot and Claris are just really good friends who have known each other for years. Things will progress between them though as the story goes on though.

[SmashQueen]

Excuse me here, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I feel the need to point certain things out (also this will probably save you later on).

"What happened?",

Here, you didn't need a comma. Commas are needed after anything that would usually end in a period while someone is speaking.
Ex. "C'est la vie," he said.

See? Also, notice the position of the comma. It's before the " and also, if a sentence ends with "!," "?," or "..." a comma isn't required. (Thanks to my high school English teacher who demanded perfection or a failing grade.)

One more example: "Ayna," he cried, "How can you be so cruel?" She glared,
"Because humans are despicable."

This is for dialogue purposes. I dunno if it was the format in which you copy and pasted from, but with dialogue there's usually a separate line for each person who speaks.

So from this: "I had a dream a lot like that!", he continued. "You're kidding me...", responded Claris.
To this:"I had a dream a lot like that!", he continued.
"You're kidding me...", responded Claris.

There. All the perfectionist has been unleashed. ^_^


I'm SmashQueen on ff.net. Main story revolves around Sly Cooper while I dabble in other categories. Currently have 3 unfinished stories. One needs an outline/more plot, one needs just the right mood for writing (CtV >>;), and one...well the chapter is being a pain (fricker fracker...). Well, back to four other fanfics and two other fictions in the works. ^^;

Good luck with your story! ^^

Edit: And I've got two new favorite authors. Yay! ^^
Edit 2: Oh crud. XD I just noticed how much of an English teacher I sounded like. I'm sorry.

[TORiAS_the_fallen]

>< This reminds me of someone who attacked me for grammar in the ToS section. Not that they didn't say really good things, too! ^^

I primarily write for ToS... though Sly Cooper is interesting to write for... The game itself was really fun. Maybe I'll read it.

And, if you're into the KratosXAnna pairing, be sure to read my The Dissenter!

Thanks, Musashi, I'll be sure to add you to my Fave Author list.

[Musashi_HUmar]

Chapter 2




When Claris awoke, she sat up and wiped a tear from her eye that was there due to her nightmare. She looded over at her clock to see that it was 7:00 AM.


"I can't stand these horrible nightmares any longer. This has to stop.", Claris thought to herself as she was getting dressed for school. Once Claris finished breakfast,

she brusheed her teeth and got her backpack and headed out the door. As Claris was walking, she tried to get the night's events out of her head by singing some familiar

songs.


"Hey Claris!", shouted a voice from behind her.


Claris turned around to see a brown straight hair girl who was about her height. "Hey Jenny.", Claris responded in a normal tone.


"Only 2 more weeks! I can't wait for prom. I'm so excited!", said Jenny.


"Of course you would be...", Claris thought to herself annoyed. Yeah, it should be fun, I guess.", Claris responded.


"Has he asked you yet?", Jenny asked with a giggle while putting her hand in front of her mouth.


"Who?", asked Claris.


Jenny giggled again and said, "You know. Your boyfriend."


"What boyfriend?", asked Claris. "Ugh... Does it ever occur to her that maybe I have something else on my mind?", thought Claris, who was getting even more annoyed

by the second.


"Oh come on! Elliot!", responded Jenny, who then started to laugh.


"He is NOT my boyfriend!", retorted Claris, who was now acttually angry.


Jenny giggled and said, "Oh come on. Don't pretend like you two aren't lovers. You're always together! No one ever sees you guys apart at school."


"We're not dating. We're just good friends, OK?", Claris responded with a really irritated voice.


Jenny calmed down a little and said, "Geez. Calm down, Stresszilla. You don't have to bite my head off."


"I'm sorry...Its just that I have a lot on my mind right now, OK?", whimpered Claris.


"I'm sorry too. I was only teasing.", responded Jenny.


Then, Claris and Jenny approached the school. Elliot was standing by his car bouncing a basketball. Claris turned to Jenny and said, "I'll catch up with you later."


Jenny giggled and responded, "OK. Bye."


Claris walked up to Elliot and tapped him on the shoulder.


Elliot turned around, smiled, and said, "Hey Claris."


Claris smiled sheepishly and said, "Hi Elliot."


She couldn't resist his smile. Even if she was sad, Elliot could make her smile just by smiling at her.


"How did you sleep last night?", asked Elliot.


"Wonderful of course.", responded Claris sarcastically.


"Me too.", laughed Elliot.


Claris leaned up against Elliot's car and said, "So what exactly do you think we should do?"


Elliot sighed a little and said, "I'm not exactly sure."


"Somehow we have to realize we're dreaming, while we're dreaming.", said Claris.


"Lucid dreaming, huh? I'm not exactly sure how we'd do that...", Elliot responded while also leaning against his car.


"I don't either...", said Claris.


"I think maybe we have to remember the red Ideya of courage.", said Elliot calmly.


"Yeah, like what NiGHTS said. As long as we remember our courage, we will always beat our nightmares.", responded Claris.


"Yeah. I don't think we've been doing that lately.", said Elliot as he turned to face Claris.


"Yeah...", responded Claris softly.


"If we somehow do that while we're dreaming, we may be able to stand a chance.", said Elliot.


"I hope so. These nightmares are getting old.", said Claris.


"Yeah, no kidding.", responded Elliot dryly.


Claris turned fully to Elliot and said, "But if we do this, we won't be together."


"Yeah... Well not at first anyway.", said Elliot.


"Do you think we'll actually meet up this time?", asked Claris.


"Well it happened once. Nothing says it can't happen again.", said Elliot.


"I hope you're right...", Claris responded quietly while looking down.


Elliot bounced his ball once and said, "Yeah, me too."


Then out of nowhere, the bell rang. Claris looked to Elliot and said, "I guess I'll see you at lunch."


"Yeah. See ya.", said Elliot.


"Bye.", said Claris who then rushed off to her first class as fast as she could. Elliot put his basket ball back in his car and smiled as he turned to see Claris hurrying away.

Even though she was a close friend, he still couldn't help but enjoy the view.


END CHAPTER 2

[TORiAS_the_fallen]

The last line really made me laugh... ^^

[Musashi_HUmar]

Well that was kinda the idea. In this fic, I'm trying to make Claris and Elliot seem a bit more real. Something you can actually believe. Let's face it, we've all had similar situations like that.

[Musashi_HUmar]

My fanfiction waiting period is up! Here is chapter 3!

http://www.fanfictio...rn_to_Nightopia

[Musashi_HUmar]

Hey readers, sorry for the delay of the new chapter. I've been under a lot of emotional duress lately and haven't been able to write much in the way of fanfiction. However, I think I'm going to be ok now. From now on, I will try to have at least one chapter a week for you guys. Thanks for your patience. Enjoy the new chapter and the chapters to come!

http://login.fanfict...r...&chapter=5/

Let me know what you think!

[Musashi_HUmar]

Chapter 5! I think you guys are gonna like this one.

http://www.fanfictio...rn_to_Nightopia

[Musashi_HUmar]

Hey folks. I know its been a while since I posted a chapter, but here's a link to the latest chapter I just put out.

http://www.fanfictio...rn_to_Nightopia

[Musashi_HUmar]

Chapter 7 is up!

http://www.fanfictio...rn_to_Nightopia

[Musashi_HUmar]

Chapter 8!


http://www.fanfictio...rn_to_Nightopia