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NiGHTS: The Great Return!


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5 replies to this topic

#1
Ideya Master

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Okay, let's see...

Prologue: Shards of the Past
(Somewhere in Crystal Castle, Helen recollects the fun adventures she had with NiGHTS and Will. She enjoys having Will around, but without NiGHTS, things just weren't the same. She stares into the glass of the empty hallway.)
Helen: NiGHTS...
(Suddenly, she hears a strange noise. She heads toward the sound of shattering glass, only to see a few new Nightmarens looking for something.)
???: Keep searchin'! There's gotta be an Ideya around here somewhere!
???: Where? (smashes a wall)
???: *growls*
(Behind the wall is a very large crystal of some sort.)
???: Hey, uh, is that an Ideya?
???: That's no Ideya! That's a Maren Gem! Some Nightmarens equipped themselves with the ability to come back in the form of one of these tings!
???: Then, who's... (trips and knocks over Maren Gem) Oops.
(The crystal smashes open on the floor. Then, NiGHTS flies out of the shards, back and ready for action!)
Helen: NiGHTS?
(to be continued)

This cliffhanger was brought to you by Suspense Industries. (XD lol)

You think things are weird enough already? DREAM ON AND FIND OUT!!!

#2
animejosse

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Moved this to Creative since it was fanfic rather than discussion of the game.

#3
Ideya Master

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Moved this to Creative since it was fanfic rather than discussion of the game.


Okay, then. Got the message. I'll still use the JoD link to get here, though. I'm just used to it.

#4
Ideya Master

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I'm gettin' bored. I should probably invite others around.

NiGHTS: Don't worry. They'll come eventually.

Let's hope so, NiGHTS. Let's hope so.

#5
The wise Kitsune

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Alright, I am going to give some critique. If you want to make your fanfic to sound more serious, Use proper dialog. For example, instead of this:
NiGHTS: Lets find it!
(NiGHTS dualized with Helen)
Do this:
NiGHTS said to Helen "Lets find it!" an Dualized with her. See? Much better!


#6
Icachan

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I agree with Kitsune, if you want to do a serious fanfic writing it like a script really isn't the way to go. For crackfic... sometimes, but even then it becomes very tedious to read after a while.

Another thing you might want to consider is the rule of "Showing, not telling"

For example:

"Suddenly, she hears a strange noise. She heads toward the sound of shattering glass, only to see a few new Nightmarens looking for something."


...compared to...

"Suddenly Helen was interupted by a strange noise echoing through the halls. As she realised it was the sound of shattering glass she quickly began to make her way towards it, heart pounding in her chest. What could it be?
The noises grew louder, and then out of nowhere she spotted the culprit: a gang of new Nightmaren.
Barely managing to muffle a surprised gasp, she hid behind a pillar as fast as she could.
'They seem to be looking for something...' she thought as she tried to calm herself down."



I'm not trying to tell you how to write your own stories, it's just a piece of friendly advice one author to another. :3




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